running out the rage

I think I've said it before, I run best when I'm angry. Once, last December, I was in IKEA and I got a text message that filled me with rage, and I came home and ran 10 miles. Just like that. There's something about it, being so pissed off, and then just running. Running it out. You can think about whatever you want, you can play out awful scenario after awful scenario, and as you do, the miles just roll by. What happens, usually, is by the end of the run, whatever was making you so upset is also gone.

I remember one time in high school, I'm pretty sure it was my senior year, and my JV field hockey coach had us each write down one goal for the game. Mine was probably something like "stay on your man" or "stick down when you stop the ball", or some other terribly obvious thing that I could never quite do right. And she had us put them in our right shoe, and every time we took a step, we were supposed to think of that goal. And dammit, if that didn't just work well! I think I do a similar thing with running when I'm angry. I focus all of my energy on that one thing, and by the end of the run I just don't need to worry about it anymore.

Lately, I think I've forgotten this. I mean, it sounds silly, to focus on all the bad stuff. But, it's gonna be there anyway, may as well do something constructive with it. This week, the last few weeks, have been particularly bad. Personal things, professional things, things completely out of my control, things completely under my control - and I've just ignored it all. This morning I was supposed to do Wilke Hill with my group, but I didn't. I say I slept through it, and that is the truth. Honestly though, the alarm went off and I woke up. And as I lay there contemplating whether or not I was going to do this (as I do every morning), I must have fallen asleep for an hour. Because at 7:15, I was waking up again. Oops.

But, I ran anyway. Not Wilke. A new route that I've never done before. And I ran away the rage. I ran for everything that's been bothering me, stressing me out, and making me want to yell. And, it totally worked. 8 miles later, and I was feeling great.

I took LD's advice, and I switched up the tunes - a great idea. My iPod must have known exactly what I needed, because we started with some of the angry Eminem and Alanis Morrisette. But the run ended with Dar Williams singing about Better Things. Man, it was just perfect.

Song that rocked my run: Not Afraid by Eminem.
4 star run, rage gone!