The first time I really tried this new "meal plan" was during the September 1st NCR 20-miler. 20 miles is always a tough distance for me. Mentally, it just seems so long. And well, physically, it just seems so long. That morning I drove out to the finish area, just north of Baltimore, and met up with a few friends from my running group. There we boarded buses out to the start - as this was a straight shot race. On the bus one of my running friends said, "For as long as this bus ride is I just keep thinking, we have a long way to run back!" And it was true, that ride went on FOREVER! I began the morning nervous, to say the least.
The NCR is a "trail" in the rails-to-trails program throughout Maryland (and beyond), and as such it's not a trail winding through the woods, crossing streams and tree roots. It is a packed gravel, wide, mostly flat dirt road. And, while it was through the woods and there were some scenic views, it was mostly boring.
We started just after 8am, and the beginning of the course was flat, downhill, and under much tree cover. That's more than I can say for the last few miles. I began slowly, trying to not kill myself on this run. I was using it more as a training run, and not a race (I had a race the following weekend, Bird-In-Hand) and I didn't want to make that more difficult. I also started early on the "meal plan". The first 10 or so miles flew by, and very quickly the next mile became difficult. Mentally, I was struggling too, as I kept thinking, you're only half way there. When I start thinking like this I know it's going to be a long race. It was at this point that my left hand tapped my left side and I felt something magical. I had more chews that I had not finished. This was a welcome distraction from what was happening, so I gladly pulled open the package and popped a 3rd chew in my mouth. I spent the next mile or so trying to talk to myself rationally. I know a thing or two about cognition (I have a PhD in the subject) and I realized that perhaps, maybe, it might be the case, that when I'm under-fueled my brain has a difficult time escaping the dark places that running can take you. That maybe, the next time I start to think bad and difficult thing, I should check that stash on my hip and see if I've got more snacks to eat. This is not to say that eating a chew has any instantaneous effect, it doesn't. But, the distraction of discovering them sometimes is enough to knock me out of that train of thought. And for sure, the distraction of eating something is welcome. And, the added calories kick in relatively soon there after. This is precisely the opposite of what I've been doing for years. When my internal monologue got hairy, I'd retreat farther from doing anything useful for myself. Because, a bag of jelly beans is not going to move the finish live closer.
While the NCR 20-miler was still hard, did I mention that the last 3 miles were out of the shade cover, 90+ degrees, and the first hills on the whole course. It was a brutal ending. But, I noticed something new in my attitude. Namely, I didn't think I was terrible. I was chipper. At one water stop around mile 17 I chatted with a guy as I filled up and he said "do you know how far we are?" and I said, "about mile 17!" The look on his fact showed some defeat, and he admitted "It seems so close, but still so far." I pointed out that "We've already done 3 miles over 6 times already that morning, what's one more time!" He took off, and I stopped to stretch my legs a little. I was a little surprised at my ability to talk that guy out of his slump, and I wondered why my internal voice wasn't so thoughtful. A few minutes later I passed the same guy, and as I went by he thanked me for putting things into perspective for him and told me how helpful it'd been. No kidding, dude, for me too!
Mile 19.5 sticks in my mind, we were on the road now, winding into the shopping area where the finish line was set up. It was hot, I was 19.5 miles tired, and we turned around this corner to see this really steep hill. I know for a fact, any other day I would have walked up that hill. I would have been close to the end, this was one of the last obstacles, and I'd have told myself it was ok to walk up it, to save something so I could run across the finish line. I would have convinced myself that I'd never make it anyway if I tried to keep running. But that morning, the voice inside my head was a little more encouraging and said "You've done this THIRTY-NINE times today, you can do it one more time, and then you can sit." As I thought this to myself, a particularly empowering song came on my iPod, and a friendly neighborhood woman was seen cheering from the end of her driveway, the shopping bags from her morning's errands still in her hands. I ran up that hill and in to the finish line, and for the very first time, I didn't feel like I was bad at it.
I finished that day at a very modest 4:15, nothing record breaking. But, I did what I set out to do. I ran 20 miles, without killing myself. But the fueling victory was huge. After grabbing my snacks I sat on the ground in the parking lot for a long time, because I felt I'd earned it!
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